Laws of the past and present

Law 2
Animal Liberation Front Strikes Again

"These nuts have got to be stopped," demands concerned consumer Fleur Leach. "They need to face the fact people want snack packs, no matter how many innocent chickens must be sacrificed. Besides, chickens would do the same to us if they had the chance."

"These Liberationists are highlighting an important issue," pleads Klaus Summers. "Too often, animals are put through needless cruelty, just to make their flesh taste a little more deliciously succulent. I'm sure we could ban the more horrific abuses without putting too much of a dent in our national obesity figures. Couldn't we?"

"Animals have feelings too!" yells protestor Elaine Neumann, before being set upon by hungry passers-by. "Free the animals! Ban meat-eating!"

Economist Louis Sanchez has an alternative. "You don't need to take away the people's right to choose. You just need to build the costs of animal suffering into the price. A tax on meat-eating, in proportion to the amount of cruelty involved, would do the trick. Plus think of the benefit for the national coffers! Of course, poor people wouldn't be able to afford meat, but that's just more incentive for them to get jobs."

Law 4

Citizens Struggle under "Unfair" Tax Burden

"Do you know how much of my year's work goes to the government?" demanded angry worker Dave Suzuki. "Too much! Government spending has gotten way out of control. It needs big cuts in welfare, health, and education. But leave those subsidies to business alone. We need them to create jobs."

"It's not the AMOUNT of tax, it's where the burden falls," says student activist Miranda Giono. "And at the moment, far too much of the burden is falling on the poor. People on high incomes still have more money than people on low incomes. I don't think I need to say anything more than that."

"I don't object to the amount of tax, I object to where it's being spent," says social reformer Jean-Paul Washington. "I'd like to see everyone have a choice as to where their Galens go every time they fill out a tax return. Everyone would feel a lot better about opening their wallets if they had a say as to where the money went. I think you'd see a lot more public money going to education and a lot less to business."

Law 6
Nazi Sympathizers plan Rally

"Frankly, I'm appalled that the government can even consider allowing this travesty to go ahead," says prominent Jewish personality Marlon Taffs. "We can't let these animals broadcast their message of hate. Surely Parafrone is too civilized for that."

"It's exactly because we're civilized that we must let the demonstration proceed," says free speech campaigner Hack Jefferson. "We may not like what they have to say, but in this society, people have the right to argue whatever political view they want, no matter how hateful, selfish, or stupid it is."

Law 8
Uranium Deposits Promises to Enrich Parafrone

"This is a terrific find!" claims Nukes4U CEO Stephanie Broadside. "It will provide an enormous stimulus to our economy and create thousands of new jobs. It's win-win! All we need from the government is permission to bulldoze the rainforest that's on top of the deposit."

"You've got to be kidding," says Green politician Lars Rubin. "This rainforest is thousands of years old! This country needs more environmental protection, not less. And to destroy the environment in order to mine uranium that then goes into nuclear bombs--well, that really sticks in my craw."

"There's no need for an either-or decision," says the government's Minister for Mining, Clear-Felling, and the Environment. "We can preserve most of the rainforest and allow mining of a small part. After all, think of all the good that the money from this uranium deposit can bring to Parafrone."

Law 10
Cash for Colons


"We remain critically short of blood plasma and various organs," says Parafrone One hospital administrator Calvin McAlpin. "Especially hearts. A good heart is hard to find. But if we were allowed to pay for donations, we'd get more of them and could save more lives. Plus the donor takes home a few hundred Galens in compensation. Unless it's a post-mortem donation, of course. In that case we'd pay the family."

"Great idea," says social commentator Maria Mombota. "Except for one thing. You know who's going to be selling their organs? Poor people! They'll be so desperate for money that they'll sell their own kidneys. Well, a kidney. This is just another way for the rich to buy themselves a better life at the expense of the poor. It must be outlawed."

Law 12
Cloning Research Promises new Breakthrough

"It's really very exciting," says lab head Heather Wu. "Until now, we've kept very quiet, to avoid being targeted by lunatic fringe groups who for some reason think it's wrong to clone human embryos. It's too early to promise anything, but we hope that one day we will have genetic cures for a whole range of debilitating illnesses. I certainly hope the government will support our work."

"Well, if you have to be part of a lunatic fringe group to object to this barbaric practice, I'm a lunatic," says placard-waving protestor Sean Zhu. "Of course it would be nice to cure these unnamed diseases, but at what cost? They're messing with the sanctity of human life. It's wrong, and the lab should be shut down immediately."

Law 14
Automobile Manufacturing Workers Strike

"We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader Sophie Summers. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well Parafrone's economy manages without any Automobile Manufacturing, huh?"

"We pay our employees very generous wages," says employer representative William Neumann. "Especially when you consider that without us, they'd be OUT ON THE STREET. Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET! Anyway, my point is, if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can't do that in the global marketplace. It'll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking, would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot."